R-JTA

Almost as soon as we got engaged, JTA and I started debating the question of whether or not I would take his surname. Until that point, I’d never really thought about what my name means to me; I certainly wouldn’t have said that it played any great part in my identity.

However, when I was faced with JTA’s strong desire for me to take his family name, I got very defensive about being a Varley. Taking a new name seemed like turning my back on the things that I’d achieved as Ruth Varley, and on the family that I love. I didn’t want to stop being that person.

I think that JTA was quite hurt by my insistence on keeping my own name, and it was this that eventually made me think again. I turned the problem over in my mind, and realised that I don’t have to give anything up, here. All I’m doing is forging a new family, but it doesn’t mean I won’t still be part of my old one. It may not be my name on my degree certificate, but it was still my hard work that went into the degree. I’m planning on taking Varley as a middle name after the wedding, but the name isn’t who I am; it’s just a label. And I’m happy for my label to tell the whole world that I belong with JTA.

With apologies to any non-geeks reading this, there was a PVP comic during the storyline when Brent Sienna and Jade Fontaine were getting married which said what I’m trying to say. See it here.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 21st, 2010 at 3:22 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.